Chicagoland All-Star Classic
“Big ups to all the ladies in here tryin’ to improve
their life. There’s a lot of money out on the court. There’s a lot of new
money.”
Such were some of the audacious soundbites from R&B
star Omarion at the Chicagoland All-Star Classic Saturday. The afternoon
charity game featured dance and musical performances followed by a
star-studded basketball show that did everything but disappoint.
All proceeds went to charity and as Antoine Walker put
it after the game, “To keep the kids of Chicago off the street.”
The event officially began with lame performances by
Marques Houston (formerly Roger in Sister, Sister) and Omarion. Both
“sang” one hit and went back to the locker room. Both stood about a regal
5’5’’. And boy did the ladies love them…for the five minutes they performed
(props to usher Jasen for holding them back as long as you did!).
The next three hours were filled with games, giveaways
and entertainment by local performers. All made the time go by a little
faster, but you knew it was getting old by the fourth time Chicago radio
station WGCI-FM 107.1 blasted T.I.’s “Motivation”.
But finally came the players. Most athletes (ahem, Sam
Cassell, Damon Jones, Josh Smith) were born and raised among Chicago’s
beat-up, asphalt courts. In one of the nations most prolific basketball
states, 22 homegrown professional athletes came together for one big Meet
the Fockers.
The B-I-G names at the event: Dwyane Wade, Paul
Pierce, Antoine Walker, Corey Maggette, Shawn Marion, Bobby Simmons, (Uncle)
Timmy Hardaway, Al Harrington and Cassell.
The lil’ B-I-G names: Luther Head, Will Bynum, Tony
Allen, Josh Smith and Andre Iguodala.
The “Other” names: James Posey, Troy Hudson, Ron
DuPree and Nazr Mohammad.
The white team was nothing short of exciting with
walking Stewart Scott “BooooYah’s” Marion and Maggette. The red team was
packed with young guns Iguodala, Smith and Head along with NBA All Stars
Pierce and Wade.
Predictably, the game began like a hybrid between an
And1 tour and an NBA All-Star Game. Dunks? Everywhere. Defense? Nowhere.
Players soared through the roof. Walker shot what could’ve been 20-pointers.
J-Smoove showed why that left makes him right for the dunk contest.
Will “Thrill” Bynum put on a Nate Robinson-esque
performance, showing everyone it’s not about the size of the dog in the
fight. Luther Head displayed a nice penetration game and proved he’ll be
having no problems adjusting to the new land of plenty.
Half-time was most arguably the most electric time of
the game. Not to say it like a Spurs practice, but Charles G. Hayes and the
Warriors Gospel choir performed “Jesus Can Work it Out” which literally tore
the house d-o-w-n! You just can’t beat that.
Although it was nowhere near capacity, I swear I
haven’t heard the United Center that loud since Air’s second comeback.
People from WGCI threw out t-shirts. People were dancing and singing.
The whole crowd seemed to forget their cell phones, the busy crowds and
troubles and got lost in the moment.
It was the highlight of the evening. I never thought
I’d hear them perform live. It was quite the pleasant surprise.
Omarion came back out after the half all decked out in
a new dirty army hat, tee and One’s. Once he took the mic over, the crowd
couldn’t stop laughing. He made wise cracks at every player like he was
talking about his younger brothers.
Damon Jones – now aka P. Diddy – was busy doing the
two things he normally does abnormally well: shoot threes and trash talk
about them.
“Damon Jones has a toupee taped to his chest!”
Omarion was ragging so much on the uber-confident
Jones that with over two minutes left, an embarrassed Jones continued
straight to the locker room after blowing a dunk.
“Oh! P. Diddy’s tryin’ to dunk. Oh! His chest hair was
holdin’ him down on that one!”
Pierce and Wade looked like they were trying to save
their game for November while Maggette wouldn’t give the rim a break in the
first quarter. He sat out the rest because basketball’s still played best
with TWO goals rather than one.
The two officials were just a formality. Play was so
laid back that the score wasn’t even kept. The refs blew the whistle a grand
total of two times, and Omarion wouldn’t even give them a break.
“You just did that pose to show off your muscles. That
has to be the strongest ref I have ever seen!”
Antonie Walker, who hosts the event every summer
played his normal game – shoot threes until they allow you to shoot fours.
When the point-forward brought the ball across half court, Omarion chimed
in:
“Antoine Walker! You know you want to shoot it from
there! Antoine Walker! You know you want to shoot it!”
Walker ended up shimmyin’ his way to a 30-foot clunker
that made even bricks jealous.
The bold Omarion proceeded to do his impression of the
“Michael Jordan walk” during a timeout – a very, VERY bold thing to do in
Chicago. He lined up all the players in a tunnel to imitate a starting
lineup and came strutting out, arms swinging low, large strides with bent
knees, moving almost like a robotically designed athlete.
It was the perfect walk, but it gave nostalgic Chicago
fans mixed reactions. Omarion then MJ-walked to the scorers table, acted
like he was pouring half-a-bottle of chalk in his hands and made three huge
claps right in front of the media.
He headed to the circle and put his hands on his
knees…sticking his ass out further than the Jamaican Big Mama. Chicago
exploded in laughter. Omarion succeeded in making a ruse out of the
century’s most honored athlete.
As the highlights continued to role, the clock
continued to wind down, the game continued like a dunk contest and Omarion
continued to crack jokes.
“Antoine Walker has four children. Antoine Walker just
gave birth to his fourth kid in three months.”
Walker just continued to laugh. Big ups to the Shimmy
Man.
