Dave's Ridiculous Rankings: A Funny Look at the Top 10

February 24th, 2009


Below is my latest set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments.  Educational?  Unlikely.  Entertaining?  Hopefully.


1. PITT (25-2)

Best wins: Florida State, Syracuse, ND, WV, at UConn

Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova


My Irrelevant Comment:

I have a problem.  When I was a kid, I had a big crush on Blair from Facts of Life.  No, that’s not the problem.  The problem is I think of her whenever I see Pitt’s 6’ 7”, 265lb forward DeJuan Blair.  I guess I should just be happy that I don’t think of Natalie whenever I see LPGA hottie, Natalie Gulbis.


2. UCONN (25-2)

Best Wins: Miami, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU

Losses: Georgetown, Pitt


My Irrelevant Comment:

Over the last few seasons Connecticut has had more than a few players with criminal records.  If one more guy on that squad gets arrested the school might want to think about dropping the second “n” in UConn.


3. OKLAHOMA (25-2)

Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas

Loss: at Arkansas, at Texas


My Irrelevant Comment:

I hear that opposing crowds are calling Oklahoma senior Taylor Griffin, Tito - in reference to the fact Taylor, much like Tito Jackson, is highly overshadowed by his younger brother (Blake).  I think Taylor should just be happy that they aren’t calling him Latoya.



Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke

Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest, at Maryland


My Irrelevant Comment:

You just can’t do better than a Tar Heels game when Bill Raftery is the commentator. I may be watching too much of Raftery though.  Yesterday my 2 year-old daughter made a basket and yelled “Onions!”



Bet wins, Texas, Minn., KU, Ohio St., Michigan

Losses: Maryland, UNC, Northwestern, Penn St., at Penn St.


My Irrelevant Comment:

Though I’m sure Tom Izzo’s wife is a fine lady, I’m rooting for the two to split and for him to end up with Stockard Channing.  My reason – if she reprised her role from Grease she’d be Rizzo Izzo.  And if she got her own sitcom it could be called the Rizzo Izzo Show. And if  . . Please make me stop.


6. MEMPHIS (24-3)

Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee

Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU


My Irrelevant Comment

While Pitt’s Coach Jamie Dixon was a TV actor during his childhood, Memphis Coach John Calipari is hoping to start an acting career.  He apparently is vying for one of two roles in the upcoming Sopranos Movie: Fat Guy#1 or Fat Guy #2.


7. LOUISVILLE (21-5)

Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU

Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, at ND, UConn


My Irrelevant Comment:

Do you think that Pitino is really trying to get his players’ attention when he stomps his foot on the floor?  Or is he just having problems with his switch from boxers to briefs?


8. DUKE (22-5)

Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown, Wake Forest

Losses: at Michigan, at Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC, at BC


My Irrelevant Comment:

Is it me or is almost every guy on Duke over six foot, with blonde hair, and blue eyes?  They go by Blue Devils, but a different name comes to mind.


9. MARQUETTE (23-4)

Best Wins: Wisconsin, Villanova, WV,  at ND

Losses: Dayton, Tennessee, at USF, at Villanova


My Irrelevant Comment:

I sense a pretty hard fall is coming.  Check out the end of Marquette’s schedule: UConn, Louisville, Pitt, and SU.  Wow!  And by “Wow” I don’t mean that’s exciting.  No, I mean “Wow” as if I just saw Kathy Griffin without makeup.


10. WAKE FOREST (20-5)

Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke, FSU

Loss: Virginia Tech, at Miami, at Georgia Tech, at NC State, at Duke


My Irrelevant Comment:

When Wake Forest moved from Wake Forest, North Carolina to Winston-Salem the school kept the name Wake Forest.  I think I figured out why.  While “Wake Forest” doesn’t necessarily scream basketball, “Winston-Salem” definitely screams Big Tobacco.


Take it easy,



Check back Thursday for Dave's Weekly Rant.  If you’d like to add a comment for next Monday’s Rankings concerning any team just email Dave at davebarend@yahoo.com.