Dave's Ridiculous Rankings: Yo Adrien!

March 4th, 2009

Below is my latest set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments.  Educational?  Unlikely. Informed? Nah.  Entertaining?  Hopefully.


1. UCONN (27-2)

Best Wins: Miami, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU

Losses: Georgetown, Pitt


My Irrelevant Comment:

When you hear Coach Calhoun yell at Jeff Adrien, do you think he’s honestly upset with the kid? I bet he’s just a huge Rocky fan and likes re-enacting the last scene: “Adrien! Adrien!”



Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke

Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest, at Maryland


My Irrelevant Comment:

Even after knocking off both UNC & Duke, BC still can’t win the hearts of Boston fans.  My solution: don’t recruit another guy with a name like their star freshman  - Reggie Jackson.  Seriously, if next year they have a shot at some McDonald’s All-American, they need to pass if he goes by A-Rod.


3. MEMPHIS (26-3)

Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee

Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU


My Irrelevant Comment

Memphis’ conference, Conference USA, might not be accurately named.  I mean the USA is a country where millions of people would do anything possible to try to get in.  Then there’s Conference-USA, where every team that’s ever been in has tried everything possible to get out.


4. PITT (26-3)

Best wins: at Florida State, Syracuse, ND, WV, at UConn

Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova, at PC


My Irrelevant Comment:

About 10 years ago PITT decided to stop referring to itself as PITT and went with the full “Pittsburgh” instead.  The university has since switched back apparently learning that it’s a bad marketing to emphasize that it’s located in Pittsburgh.


5. OKLAHOMA (25-3)

Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas

Loss: at Arkansas, at Texas, KU


My Irrelevant Comment:

You know Oklahoma’s “Boomer-Sooner” chant?  Well, I really thought they were saying “Boom her sooner.”  I’ve got to say that my interpretation is much better. It’s essentially telling prospective freshmen that the women on campus don’t have that 3-date requirement.


6. LOUISVILLE (23-5)

Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU

Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, at ND, UConn


My Irrelevant Comment:

I’ve thought the Cardinals have been over-rated all year. Even their travel difficulties are over-hyped.  About a month ago their plane made an emergency landing due to - no, not ice on the wings, nor a sudden decrease in cabin pressure – a fire that turned out to be harmless.  Mainly because it was nonexistent.


7. DUKE (24-5)

Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown, Wake Forest

Losses: at Michigan, at Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC, at BC


My Irrelevant Comment:

Apparently Duke has mastered human cloning. Yeah, they clearly duplicated Scheyer and named his clone Singler.  I’m not impressed though.  I mean, they previously took Bobby Hurley’s J-Chromosome and used it to create Wojciechowski and Redick.  The J-Chromosome, of course, being the one that results in jerks.



Bet wins, Texas, Minn., KU, Ohio St., Michigan

Losses: Maryland, UNC, Northwestern, Penn St., at Purdue


My Irrelevant Comment:

Michigan State is looking into whether Apple’s I-Book has infringed on rights of its senior center whose last name is Ibok.  I don’t think they have much of a case.  But if Apple created a computerized sex toy then this guy might have a claim – his first name is Idong.


9. WAKE FOREST (22-5)

Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke, FSU

Loss: Virginia Tech, at Miami, at Georgia Tech, at NC State, at Duke


My Irrelevant Comment:

When I told my daughter that Wake Forest’s Al-Farouq Aminu and Georgia Tech’s Alade Aminu are brothers she replied, “Oh, just like the Jonas Brothers.”  Yeah, just like the Jonas brothers.  Except the Aminu brothers don’t make you want to grab a fork and gouge out your eardrums.


10. MISSOURI (24-5)

Best Wins: USC, Cal, at Texas, KU

Losses” At Xavier, Illinois, at Nebraska, at Kansas St, at KU


My Irrelevant Comment:

Missouri is, at least arguably, a Top 10 team, but has had almost no nationally televised games.  The State of Missouri might want to re-think its slogan of the “Show Me State.”  Seems like it should be altered to “The Hose Me State.”


Take it easy,



Check back Thursday for Dave's Weekly Rant.  If you’d like to add a comment for next Monday’s Rankings concerning any team just email Dave at davebarend@yahoo.com.