NCAA Tournament 2010: Top 10 Excuses To Miss Work

March 16th, 2010

It is that time of the year again, the first two days of the NCAA Tournament where they inconveniently schedule games during business hours on Thursday and Friday.

For some employees catching the games is as simple as taking a paid day off or doing what I used to do, schedule an out of town business trip to allow you to take care of some important business like watching college hoops.

But suppose you work in an office and you can’t schedule a day off. What if you work for an organization like the Post Office where you have to be on the job each day. Well that might be a bad example, they are probably goofing off anyway. But I am sure you get the idea with having a hard time getting off work.

If you have worked for an employer for while, you have probably used up most of your best excuses. Let’s face it, you can only use the dead grandparent excuse four times.

So that is where I come in with my annual top 10 excuses to use on your boss to get out of work. (last year's)

So in the grand tradition of Ferris Bueller here they are:

10. I won’t be coming in today, I spent my last dollar playing on-line bingo and don’t have any money left for the bus.  But, don’t worry, I will try to win it back today while I am off. 

9. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine at Wal*Mart.

8. I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about those Bearcats huh? So, I won’t be able to, yes, can I help you? No, no, I’ll be sticking with T-Mobile, but thank you for calling.

7. My husband is having his annual erection and I don’t want to miss it. (Hey if he is a big hoops fan it is possible.) 

6. I didn’t make it in today because I had to go to the bathroom really bad this morning, you know, number two problems.. but the real problem was I was in the car, so I decided to fart to relieve some of the pressure.  When I farted, pee shot out and went up my butt (hey, it happens), so I had to go the emergency room and get my, umm.. system flushed. 

5. Well, you see, my boyfriend’s friend’s cousin, her mother is a total flake and her kids are getting taken away by child protective services. She is going to jail and my boyfriend is working, his cousin is out of town and so you can see that I have to stay home and watch them.

4. I can’t come in today my cat is lonely and stressed out today.  If I don’t spend quality time with him he will keep peeing on the furniture.

3. I won’t be into work today because my wife is going to conceive today and I want to be there when it happens.

2. I am helping President Obama spend 2.7 trillion dollars to help stimulate the economy. It might take me awhile, I will call you when I am done.

And the #1 excuse for missing work again, for the 7th year running, is diarrhea. The mere mention of it and your boss will immediately stop asking questions.

So go check those brackets one more time or do what I do and just watch the games with no brackets, but whatever you do, just enjoy the games.