It is that time of the year again and if you are like most college basketball fans during the first two days of the first round of the NCAA Basketball Tournament you suffer from that conflict caused by the first round basketball games being played while you are supposed to be hard at work.
Now if you were at work you probably wouldn’t be very productive since you probably would be watching games on your ‘puter or at least constantly checking on updates or maybe you might do what I did one time and smuggle a small TV in and put in the top drawer of your desk.
By getting out of work you are doing your company a favor since you won’t get much work done anyway. So as a service to you and your company here is this year’s addition of the Top 10 Excuses For Missing Work for the NCAA Tournament.
10. My wife's breasts are sore after her breast enlargement so I need to stay home and massage them.
9. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?
8. I ate a bean burrito for dinner last night and now my farts stink so bad my dog runs to the front door every time I let one rip. For the sake of my co-workers, it may be best that I not expose them to such toxic fumes.
7. I am very sensitive to the sinking value of the dollar.
6. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday, and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving yesterday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Wall Street Journal. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early tomorrow.
5. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian and won’t be in for a few days.
4. I have to clean my house before Family and Children’s Services gets here.
3. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
2. The jury I was on was sequestered and we weren't allowed to leave or contact the outside world.
And the number One reason for missing work for the second straight year ...DIARRHEA! Just the mere mention of the “D” word will end the questions and shut your boss up. Now grab your brackets and get down to the sports bar and enjoy the games.